The ocean sings through you, you close your eyes and faintly remember where you and Eren had visited earlier that day. You turn your face, lips pressed into his hair, lightly pursing them as you slowly inhale. “I wanna live,” he says, voice pulling weak near the end, “I wanna live with you so badly.”
![attack on titan revenge beta attack on titan revenge beta](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VEOD-lfqKQo/hq720.jpg)
Your fingers card through his hair, pushing his bangs away from his face, petting his cheek as your jaw slowly tightens. Your neck cranes down, resting your face against the top of his head, lips wobbling as your body rocks with waves of dread. You close your eyes, unable to wipe the lone tear that finally falls, not wanting your hands to leave him. “I don’t wanna die,” he says, the first sentence he’s said all night that wasn’t broken up by gasping breaths, sputtering, “I really don’t wanna die.” Until his prayers become mumbles smeared against you, so soft and desperate, and you listen to the way he begs to no one. Words obscured by his sobs, sentences drenched in agony until the fire suffocating him finally starts to die down. Now all he does in the hours leading up to your birthday is speak his small prayers into your skin, hopeless wishes that will never be granted. It’s funny-he never really thought about his future until he learned he wouldn’t have one. The promise that you made to him, to let him show you a million beautiful reasons to keep living in this cruel world, even though you were his only one. Left with only the memory of his touch, the memory of how he held you against him, the promises he made of a better future for you, one that he’ll never be a part of. Nothing you can do to stop the fact that one day you’ll only be able to see him when you close your eyes, only be able to hear his voice from somewhere distant in your mind. You want to make his body your home but it’s already been made into his coffin.Īnd you know-god, you know -there’s nothing you can do to change it. His birthday is just a painful reminder of a life he’ll never get to have, one year closer to an inevitable goodbye, completely outside his control. Unable to shake his anger at the unfairness, he’s lived a million lives and not one of them got to be with you. It’s so easy for him to shatter, to fall in your arms and weep, unable to take the weight of being anything but human, anything but yours. He’s here to mourn with you, mourn himself with you. Haunted, by ghosts of the past and ghosts of dreams he keeps chasing, by monsters raging inside his head, their roars loud enough to hide the cries of the child stowed away in the confines of his rib cage- weeping, bleeding, dying, dead. Here with you, he just wants to be the boy that you love, with beautiful eyes dulled from lifetimes that weren’t his. Back into the stubborn man with a one-track mind, who keeps moving forward towards his goals no matter how badly it destroys him. He’s not here expecting you to build him back up, back into the brave soldier that jumps headfirst into danger. Staring up at the ceiling, you try your hardest to keep your own tears at bay, not wanting him to know that you’re barely holding yourself together as you desperately clutch onto his broken pieces.īut he– he knows it’s hard for you too.
![attack on titan revenge beta attack on titan revenge beta](https://img.youtube.com/vi/IIDkwOkq-aE/hqdefault.jpg)
With him pressed against your body, wishing that maybe if he curls up more he can shrink into nothingness, or at least very least, into you. It hurts like nothing you’ve ever felt before, these quiet moments of you two trying to hide from the rest of the world. His breath is still heavy, shaking and still laced with the remnants of his sobs, his eyes puffy and tired from all the tears he had cried into your chest-but he sits quietly now, blearily blinking his wet lashes brush against your skin, listening to the echoes of your heavy heart soaked with his sadness.
![attack on titan revenge beta attack on titan revenge beta](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MPzKGBQsEzY/mqdefault.jpg)
It’s dark in his room, the candle you had previously lit having already burnt up, curtains drawn shut as you sit with him in silence, your hands cradling the back of his head. You spend the hours leading up to midnight sitting in his bed, back resting against the headboard as his body is nestled in your arms, his face pressed into your chest, body bracketed between your legs.